Tag Archives: cat humour

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An Amish Christmas Journey

And now the next installment in my series of romance novel plot synopses that I rewrite based solely on the cover images. The first is here.

As always, I find these while buying my groceries. Who would have thought that so soon I’d find another beauty that features a cat? IMG_5060

Here we go:

Martha, with her subtly puffed navy blue sleeves and her lips the red of a newly raised barn, never thought she’d find the spark of true love. After all, how can a feisty yet well-mannered Amish girl hope to find that longed-for spark when one’s entire community refuses to use electricity?

Martha’s only hope was that the candle upon the windowsill would release a stray ember of love. Maybe this year, maybe just in time for Christmas. Surely that ember would guide her on the path to her destiny like a firefly soaring over the desolate, fallow field in the distance that doubled as a metaphor for her lonesome, underpopulated heart.

But, alas, that candle refused to do much of anything – other than turn Martha’s cheek a sallow hue evocative of either jaundice or overly churned butter.

That is – until one day that candle illuminated the soft mystery of the be-whiskered Klaus as he came out of nowhere and gracefully jumped up beside her.

Klaus, unworldly as a field of grain, was born in a barn. In fact, he was born in that very barn that Martha could see from her bedroom window every morning before she arose from bed to don a fresh apron. In a way, Klaus had always been there, watching over her.

Seated beside her, Klaus raised his small, soft white paw and gazed longingly at Martha’s loose bonnet-strings. His whiskers trembled like bits of straw protruding from a haystack during a windstorm. Martha knew in her heart of hearts that those whiskers trembled with love.

For Klaus and Martha shared a deep connection. Neither of them used computers or other forms of technology. Neither of them would ever drive an automobile, nor likely inherit property. Neither of them had any desire to wear ornate clothing with sparkly sequins or rhinestones. And, despite the absence of sequins, they both shone!

Martha’s eyes, once as dull as the blades of an overused plow, shone as she realized that her journey was over. This Christmas, though no Santa would come with presents, Martha had found her Klaus.

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Sheltered by the Millionaire

Welcome to a new feature on my blog: romance novel plot rewrites.

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I found this particular romance novel at Superstore this evening. Rather than reading the back, I am inspired to believe that the plot synopsis is as follows, based solely on the cover image:

The dashing Sir Bartholomew, with eyes of green and paws like the whitest lily petals, was no ordinary cat. Lonely, elusive, and in possession of a vast estate and millions in offshore bank accounts, Bartholomew had wandered many days alone down the hallways of his mansion chasing the elusive red dot of true love – until he met Ferdinand.

Ferdinand, with his Hugh Grant-inspired hairdo and delicate stubble like a recently clear-cut forest, was poor and uncouth but had mastered the sultry art of gazing alluringly over his right shoulder. A part-time veterinary assistant, Ferdinand never dared hope that the chambers of his heart would echo with such sweet meows as those of the pointy-earred, mysterious lord who sauntered into his workplace one misty morning. On the cold, sterilized veterinary table, Ferdinand had not expected to find anything but the doctor’s discarded rubber gloves and a few naive, disoriented fleas.

Little did he know that it was there on that fluorescent-lit metal table that he would find the embrace of deep passion – and the shelter of a millionaire.